Epicon Reviews~The Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie!

TITLE: The Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie (commonly referred to by hardcore fans as "AVGN: The Movie")

Produced by: Cinnemassacre Productions (company run by James Rolfe. Producers were Rolfe, Finn, and Sean Keegan.)

Celebrities Involved: Sarah Glendening ("Nerdy" Girl Mandi), Stephen Mendel, Helena Barrett, Time Winters, Eddie Pepitone (as John Swanson (the Nerd's boss at "GameCop"), Bobby Charles Reed, Jeremy Suarez (as the Nerd's co-worker and assistant Cooper Folly), AND JAMES ROLFE AS THE ANGRY NERD!

Genre: Comedy, Sci-Fi (with a budget of over $325,000 gleaned from online donations, the film's sci-fi elements are low-budget.)

Plot: The film opens to a female voice giving a history of the Atari game company, as well as the game that ultimately caused their downfall, "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial" for the Atari 2600, a game that was said to be so unspeakably horrible that Atari themselves called a complete recall of over TWO MILLION copies of the game and allegedly buried them in a landfill site deep in the New Mexico desert about an hour away from the site of Area 51.

At this point, it's revealed that the entire opening monologue was being performed by Mandi, an employee at a fake game company who intends to use the failure of the Atari company to her advantage while making a sequel, titled "EeTee 2".

How? Simply put, by making it even WORSE than the original and have it given to the Angry Nerd to receive his stamp of disapproval.

The reason? Because once the Nerd gives his stamp of disapproval, gamers feel compelled to buy the game and play it themselves, thus giving the game greater sales and negating company sale losses.

As the movie goes on, The Nerd and his friend Cooper Folly, who work together at a GameCop branch (Read: play on "GameStop") run by John Swanson, a man who is quite obviously both EXTREMELY selectively ignorant and SEVERELY delusional. When John forces The Nerd to sell a game that even the NERD would never play, John watched at first in total rage, then in interest and approval as the Nerd disses the assigned game and even spits on it, only for a potential customer to snap the game up and buy it hands-down.

The movie rapidly transforms into a hunt for the alleged burial site of the world's worst game. The trip is undertaken by the Nerd and Cooper, as well as Mandi, who is disguised (and rather badly) as a nerdy gamer girl from her game company, whch happens to be funding the dig and is supplying a full dig team (read: THREE PEOPLE!) to help find the games. However, they're stopped midway in by the military, which is led by General Dark Onward who is not only entirely too trigger-happy to set off high explosives, but is prone to painful and violent accidents involving bodily harm and loss of limbs, which he seems to recover well from... if you can call becoming half-tank recovering...

In any case, after being run from the scene in a particularly hilarious car chase scene that ends with the military's jeep smashing headlong into what the General's , Sergeant McButter (Helena Barrett) calls a "sheet of double-pane glass" (but was COMPLETELY INDESTRUCTIBLE!), the Nerd and company decide to locate the game's creator, Howard Scott Warshaw, to debunk the myth of the landfill on tape. However, in place of Warshaw's house, they find a run-down shack lived in by one Dr. Zandor, an ex-Area 51 scientist who was in charge of deducing the properties of the metal found from an exploded spaceship that landed in Roswell in the 40s. The metal was found to have insane bonding properties, but when told to recreate the ship, Zandor realized the ship could never exist, as humanity wasn't ready for such a weapon of war. So, when he refuses to continue the project and is expelled from Area 51, he steals the metal and hides it in the safest place he could think of.

Overnight, Mandi's boss decides to run a pilgrimage for all gamers intent on getting a copy of a game with the Nerd's stamp on it; as a gimmick for the event, the first 100 people to claim a copy of the game will get a shovel so they can go and dig up a copy of the original from the landfill, which the military has since fenced off in electric fencing.

Long story short, for the purpose of the movie, the ET game was made from a code given to Warshaw by Zandor, which happened to be the floor plan FOR Area 51, at the end of which is an ACTUAL ALIEN. In order to properly debunk the whole thing, The Nerd ends up breaking into Area 51 posing as an alien, and after being captured, is saved by the alien, who is released from confinement by Cooper, who unknowingly released it by playing the game and fiddling with the controller. The Nerd takes the alien and takes a jet to crash land in the landfill. While this was happening, Mandi, who was captured by McButter, takes McButter's detachment on a wild goose chase that ends on the fake Eiffel Tower in Vegas.

General Onwards' final attempt to cause panic and fear in the Nerd is a missile strike on Mt Fuji, which unleashes a mechanical super god that can wipe out all existence IF the satellite dish on his head turns a full 360-degrees. The thing doesn't make its mark though; the alien unleashes its full power and summons back every copy of the ET game in existence. Why? Because the fragments of metal from its ship were used as the microchips FOR THE GAME. With its ship restored, the alien makes for the super-god after General Onward attacks the ship and inadvertently causes his own death by falling off a cliff in his mini-tank. The Nerd takes the winning shot with the ship's laser cannon, which bounces around the super-god's dish before beaming into deep space. The beam returns and slams into the dish, causing the super-god to realize the cosmic truth of existence...

And then it puts on a fake mustache/glasses combo and laughs at itself before jetting away. The movie ends with Cooper, who'd been captured by the super-god after attempting to save the Nerd, and Mandi, who'd beaten McButter in a one-on-one fight before being captured by the super-god's "chick magnet" tentacle (literally, the thing has a giant magnet on it that attracts women to its surface and holds them there... OBVIOUS JOKE IS OBVIOUS.), get together as the romantic coupling of the movie (with absolutely NO build-up to the final kiss WHAT-SO-FREAKING-EVER, before the Nerd is beamed out of the ship to review both the fake sequel AND the original game (the first review is done before the credits roll, the latter WHILE the credits are rolling). In the end, despite the original game's cryptic secrets and ridiculous programming, the Nerd finds it to be a decent game. What made it horrible? Who knows. In his own words, "It was just something we needed, something to talk about."

The highlight of the movie came during the alien's call for the ET games to return to him. The cameos in the film were ASTOUNDINGLY well done.

The two that stand out most are Doug Walker (AKA The Nostalgia Critic), and Lloyd Kaufman (leader of the now dead Troma Entertainment company): The Critic is shown playing the game when it's called, causing it to hop out of the console and fly away, which prompts the Critic to squeal in shock and fright, toss the controller into the air and duck under the table for cover; Kaufman's cameo is much the same, though he's praying to God to have the game taken away, and when it actually FLIES AWAY, he goes into a sort of demented mania of joy and happiness... it was REALLY WEIRD. XD Another part of this scene involves two pot-heads who are sitting in their basement playing the game: as it ejects from the console and flies away, the two guys start laughing like morons before one says, "Let's play another game!" REALLY, THIS REALLY HAPPENED.

Being a movie based on the Angry Video Game Nerd, this film, despite being a B-rater, lived up to its expectations and DEMOLISHED them in one fell swoop. It was a GLORIOUS spending of my time, and WELL worth the time it took to get into the theater and see it.

This movie's rating is .... IMMEASURABLE! Will i watch it again? HELL YES! When it comes out on DVD, I'm planning on buying TWO copies: one to watch, the other to keep in the plastic wrapping for posterity. This is THAT kind of movie, the kind that is worth re-watching OVER AND OVER AGAIN, while also being the kind you want to immortalize by buying it and never touching the plastic wrapper. As a hardcore toy collector will scold his friends for attempting to remove a specific vintage action figure from the box, this is the kind of movie you NEVER want to open because it's THAT level of amazing that should never be trifled with.

That is my final word. Thank you for reading. ^^