Chapter 1

Facade | By: | Genre: Angst | Series: Evangelion | Status: Complete | Tags: Angst | Summary:

If Raoul could talk to Erik after his death, what might he say to him? Based on Susan Kay's "Phantom"

I know she doesn't love me. I've accepted that fact. And every day, I live with it. For all her smiles, her kind manner, her soft voice, and her tenderness " I know it is a sham. A fa??ade, a half-truth " she doesn't love me.

She loved me once " before all the madness, before the pain " before " before I knew what was the truth.

I love her.

She is my life, my world, my Christine. But even that, is a lie I have convinced myself into being true. She is no more my Christine than I can call the sky mine " but for the love I have for her, I live with her fa??ade.

If she had wanted to stay, I would have let her " I would have left " broken " alone " but the single fact that she would be with the one she loved, would have been my comfort.

I love her.

I love her and that love has destroyed me. I am not who I was " I too, have developed my own fa??ade. The fa??ade of one who pretends all is well " a fa??ade so well placed, no one can tell of its existence.

At night, I dream " I dream of a world far from the one I live in. One where she loves me " as she loved him " or where someone loves me " the way " I "want to be loved.

Last night, I dreamed I walked along a shore at sunset. As I stood staring out across the waves, I heard someone speak to me " who it was, I cannot say.

"Those who have hearts of glass are either shattered, or endure."

I have a heart of glass. And I endure.

I love her.

She has taken my heart of glass " and she keeps it as a treasure, a prize. She knows how much I love her. But she still loves him more. He who has a heart stronger than mine " he let her go. I wish he had not.

I love her.

She is not mine " she is his. I have lost " he has won.

Would that he had kept her, and I could go on, with my heart of glass " and live without this horrid fa??ade.

I love her.

I have lost.

Do you hear me Erik? You've won " and I've lost.

You may have never killed my body " but you most certainly killed my soul.

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