Uncommon Law

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04/22/2007 - 00:00

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One day, while minding his own business, Shinji recieves a letter in the mail and discovers (much to his chagrin) that there have been some pretty serious modifications to Japan's common law statutes. Mild humor and occasional cuteness ensue.

  1. Life is mean. Shinji
    learned this little lesson at a very young age, and throughout his life, it had
    been reinforced time and time again. As
    long as he could remember, just getting by was fine with him. He had no desire to try to make his situation
    better, as that made Life (capitalized in this instance) pay more attention to
    you - like the time he found that bike in a pile of trash and tried to take it
    home, and ended up being taken into the police station by a 'helpful'
    patrolman.

  2. For a while, nothing changed. True to her word, Asuka
    sent her paperwork off the next day, after watching Shinji sign it to 'make
    sure he wasn't trying anything funny,' and that weekend, Misato took all the
    Children out to dinner. Not steak dinner - she did use most of her check for
    bills - but dinner nonetheless.

    Asuka never even questioned where
    she had gotten the extra cash.

  3. Shinji found, during the next two days, that gossip traveled
    faster than the speed of sound. By the
    time he went in to NERV for synch tests, everyone had gotten the word that he
    was now Mister Katsuragi... and everyone felt the need
    to give him a hard time about it - especially, for reasons Shinji could not
    understand, Mister Hyouga, who seemed particularly grumpy
    when Misato playfully ruffled Shinji's hair and teasingly told everyone on the bridge
    that they better keep their hands off her husband.

  4. Shinji peered cautiously around the corner, looking up and
    down the corridor for any sign of Misato or Ritsuko. In the two days since bumping his head, the
    Third had seen more cleavage, and been pulled into more impromptu hugs, than at
    any time in his life. He could tell you
    the molecular composition of Misato's lavender perfume, and while he did not
    know the name of Ritsuko's fragrance, if he closed
    his eyes he could accurately describe the lilting, dewy scent which, for some
    reason, made his mouth water.

  5. "You nail her yet?"

    Shinji sighed, deeply, and kept his eyes on his
    homework. "No, Touji,"
    he said patiently, "I haven't nailed her yet."

    "But Katsuragi," Asuka's voice chipped in, "how are you going to impregnate
    your blushing bride if you don't, as your stooge friend put it, 'nail' her,
    hmm?"

  6. When Misato finally stopped laughing (which took some time)
    she examined the subpoena, her lips moving as her shoulders hunched with
    repressed giggles. "Hmm," she hummed,
    handing the piece of paper back to Asuka, "guess we need to get to the
    courthouse and clear this up, Missus-"

    "Don't even say it," Asuka threatened darkly, "just get your
    damn keys and let's go! Unbelievable...
    this was supposed to be a simple procedure, damn it!"

  7. Asuka stayed in her room for the
    rest of the weekend... which made Shinji very, very nervous. Misato kept telling him not to worry about
    what his other wife was doing (taking great pleasure in pointing out the irony
    that Asuka was the Second Child and the Second Wife)
    and to just enjoy the quiet, but Shinji knew that quiet often meant trouble -
    and trouble seemed to have a soft spot for him, finding him wherever he went
    and whatever he did.

  8. Misato lounged against the wall of the pribnow
    box, half listening to the synch test procedures and chewing thoughtfully on
    one of her knuckles. She was not
    anxious, per se, simply distracted, and it did not go unnoticed.

    "Trouble in paradise?"

    Looking up as Ritsuko sauntered up to her, Misato shook her
    head. "Nah," she said lightly, "just
    trying to think up new ways to make my husband blush."

  9. Asuka glanced around the smoky bar with some distaste,
    wondering if perhaps she had not been misdirected. The place had been described to her as 'kind
    of low-rent,' though the word she would have used was 'shithole.' The walls, once white, she assumed, were a nauseating, nicotine yellow, almost - but not quite -
    matching the beer, or possibly urine, yellow of the floor.

  10. Asuka and Misato stole down the hallway in Rei's apartment
    building with all the stealth and skill of a small heard of elephants. "Oh my God, would you shut up?" Asuka hissed
    as the older woman kicked a can halfway down the hall. "We're trying to be quiet, remember?"

    "Shut up," Misato hissed, "you'll tip them off!"

    "I'll tip them-
    GAH!" Asuka threw her hands up in disgust.
    "Just hurry up, we're almost there."

  11. A couple of days after the debacle at Rei's apartment,
    Misato stood waiting for her husband outside of the showers at NERV. So far, Asuka had not done anything overt to
    get the Third's attention, but Misato knew the redhead was just biding her time
    and waiting for the best opportunity. That girl's more determined than the
    Commander when she wants something, she mused, and I still... I'm still not sure what I would do if I had Shinji all to myself.

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